Thursday night/Friday morning, I dreamed that I was carrying my oldest cat on my shoulder down a driveway. There was a house on the left, maybe my grandmother's house, abandoned when she couldn't stand living there surrounded by ghosts. Across the driveway, instead of the old chicken house and shed that stood there, there was a big pecan tree. Underneath that, a wooden picnic table. At that table, my grandmother (she passed to the next world last year), my very-much-alive-and-resenting-it maternal aunt and her son, my cousin. My cousin was drinking whiskey, which he may or may not do. He was a bartender and he and his wife hang out at bars sometimes. My grandmother and my aunt were shelling pecans. There was a white and blue speckled enamelware bowl on the table, half full of shelled pecans. It was quite the scene - a place where I would feel comfortable. It was, it could have been, home.

I spoke when I approached. My grandmother stood up and, in a voice that was not hers, with words she wouldn't have used, said quite a lot more than this: "You have nineteen days." The other words fled quickly - this was the important part. I have nineteen days.

Nineteen days from Friday morning will be February 8.

I have searched and searched for meaning. Here's what I've found:
- The nineteenth card in the major arcana of a tarot deck is The Sun, always a good card, even when reversed.
- Brigid had nineteen priestesses keeping her sacred flame lit.
- Nineteen is a prime number. It can only be divided by one and nineteen.
- The most quoted bible verse that has "19" in it is the one where your body doesn't belong to you, it belongs to God and so you should take care of it for Him.
- Today is the nineteenth day since I ovulated this month.
- The nineteenth Womanrune is The Dancing Women - celebration, community, shared power, solidarity. 

I have no idea what it means. I have my . . . suspicions is too strong a word, even hunches is still too strong. I have my inklings? But, nothing I want to share yet.